Mentorship in HEAL Support Groups

One-on-one connections are a natural extension of the peer-to-peer support groups that are at the heart of HEAL. Complete this form to become a mentor or mentee.

What are the benefits of mentorship?

Supports newer members outside of regular group meetings.
Creates a circle of healing for experienced members to give the support they once received.
Provides fulfillment, meaning, and elevation to mentors and mentees alike.
Research shows one-on-one support can boost group participation and healing outcomes.

What does mentoring look like?

Mentorship is a voluntary one-on-one relationship between a more experienced HEAL member (the mentor) and a newer member (the mentee). No two mentoring relationships are alike, as each member has their own situation and journey, so mentorship may involve any of the following:

Connecting: deep listening, engagement, and awareness helps reveal where the mentee is in their healing process, and give them things to ask about in meetings. Connection could happen in-person (if possible), or via phone, text, or web app. communications--whatever is mutually agreeable to both

Supporting: providing emotional support in the form of non-judgemental encouragement and understanding for the mentee. For example, simple compassion for a mentee being overly hard on themselves. Mentoring support does not replace professional support such as therapy, but occurs in a supportive context of group meetings, professionals, family, friends, etc.

Learning: sharing practical healing strategies is a two-way benefit of mentoring. For example, sharing and discussing any of these key healing resources. Mentoring isn’t about advice, but finding things that may serve our journey in the other and leaving the rest.

Sharing: offering personal healing stories and perspectives, perhaps in response to mentee concerns. Mentoring isn’t about imposing personal views but discerning what might be useful for the mentee, and offering perspectives (e.g., “This is my story, does any of it resonate for you?”). Mentor sharing from a vantage point of relative stability and wholeness offers hope and perspective in a time of mentee vulnerability.

Questioning: asking helpful questions, while honoring the mentee’s unique journey and personal decisions. Questions could be about self-care, establishing healthy boundaries, or simply asking what the mentee needs most right now.

What do you need in terms of support at this stage of your healing?
Would you like me to just listen, or respond with some thoughts?
Is there anything I can do that will be of benefit to you right now?
What do you think a healthy, wise, compassionate, adult would do in your situation?

Celebrating: recognize, acknowledge and celebrate mentee progress, since they may not see their own process in the non-linear healing path.

Reciprocating: the mentoring relationship rewards both mentor and mentee by cultivating meaning, hope, support and wholehearted connection in navigating a challenging healing journey together. Mentees receive precious support and mentors may get inspiration, purpose, gratitude, and an invaluable perspective on how far they have come.

Can I become a mentor?

A mentor is any past or present member of a HEAL support group with some (but not necessarily all) of the following qualities. To become a mentor and be matched with potential mentees please complete this form.

Willing to give back by working one-on-one with newer members.

Experienced with twelve months in a HEAL group or a corresponding depth of healing progress, including being mentored themselves. Mentors need not feel 100% healed to provide support, since mentees can benefit from the progress and challenges that inevitably occur at all stages of healing.

Present to receive the words, feelings and experiences of others with equanimity.

Compassionate, understanding, empathic, non-judgemental stance for other healing journeys.

Positive in thoughts, words, and actions to model healthy recovery.

Available to periodically connect with the mentee and share time together.

Authentic in responding to mentee questions and support needs, while acknowledging that all situations, decisions, and paths are unique.

Engaged in mentorship, potentially participating in some support group meetings with the mentee.

Healthy boundaries, self-monitoring for compassion fatigue, and self-care keep mentorship safe and healing.

Safe for the mentee in terms of protecting privacy, and maintaining objectivity. Mentors are not close friends or ever romantic partners to mentees. The mentor is someone the mentee can feel respect and trust toward, without having a long-standing relationship.

How are mentors and mentees matched?

Group facilitators (or a mentorship coordinator) review mentees and available mentors within the same support group, and notify both when a match is made. Preference will be given to those with similar aspects where possible (e.g., gender, age, reconciliation status, affair type, etc.). Dissimilar experiences are also beneficial and complementary. What matters most is that the mentor and mentee feel comfortable with each other. Completing this form fully helps us match mentors and mentees well.

How long does mentorship last, how does it end, and can I give feedback?

Mentoring relationships are temporary, lasting as long as is beneficial to both people involved. Either person may end mentoring when they feel the time has come. At that time, let the other person know, express gratitude for shared time together, and wish each other goodbye. Mentees may find a new mentor, or move into a mentor role. Mentors will continue to be paired with new mentees until they inform the group facilitator/coordinator that they no longer wish to mentor. Anonymous feedback from mentors and mentees about their experience can be submitted here, and is greatly appreciated.

Can I connect informally with other group members outside of mentoring?

Sometimes group members are having a bad day and would appreciate talking to someone. Sometimes, two people in similar situations might want to connect one-on-one. To set up an informal conversation outside the forum (by phone, email, text, or chat--whatever works best) either:

post a message in the forum asking for a chat or offering to chat to another person.

use the three dot menu and "Reply to Author" to reach out to an individual with an offer to connect.

Informal connections are not part of our mentorship program above, which is a more formalized relationship between mentor and mentee.